Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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