just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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