forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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