You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
