3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
