elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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