got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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