I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
