I'm really into asian looking animals
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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