i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
