Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
