Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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