Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
