Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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