I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My friends, they love my intelligence
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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