Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
