i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
