Can Purell be used as lube?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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