that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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