Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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