OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
