why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
