He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
A+ Viking dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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