Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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