I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
