they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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