it's great music for shaving your balls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
