She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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