whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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