my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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