so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
