why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
