I met the friendliest cop last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
