i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
