I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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