Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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