i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Duck Duck Cougar?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
