your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize