Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize