God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
