So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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