He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
