I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
