There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All the doctor said was why
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
