she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
