I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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