So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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