Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize