Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
