If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
