oh god the rape fog is back!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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