this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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