no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
