My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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