She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
