The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
a search helicopter?!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
