I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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