There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
