Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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