I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize