Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
