It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Panties = found
Randomize
