I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
