does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
