how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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