I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
