My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
