I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize