Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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