I've blown a few things in my day
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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