my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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