I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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