I'm eating all of the evidence.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
