I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
