he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
