mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize