She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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