Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Quick, to the slutcave!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
