Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
