I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
