My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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