i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
