how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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