Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
