just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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