in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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