Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
