The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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