Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
