i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize