are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
