i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Enjoy the penises
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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