Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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