Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
