you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
