At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Boobs speak an international language.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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